Petrol Prices

Merry Christmas, everybody. Gas prices have shot up recently and are almost back up at $3 per gallon in NC. The fact that it's so expensive is unpleasant. But, on top of that, increased gas prices make it harder to pump to an even dollar amount. The more prices go up, the more sensitive the pump trigger gets. You give it a quick pinch from "$19.98" and it shoots up to "$20.01". I know it's non-consequential, but I still feel disappointed in myself. Then the pump asks me if I want a receipt. Would I like a hard-copy reminder of my failure? No. No, thank you.  

Cell Phone Pictures

Welcome back to Ryan Brown's Thots. Here are a couple of sights that I've come across that I captured on my cell phone.

First let's talk about this fucked up stop sign that I saw at the Boone mall. Somebody clearly didn't pay very close attention during stop sign construction school.  I guess when they were taking notes they wrote down the "make it red" part and then fell asleep. Maybe they couldn't read the text book chapter entitled, "What is an Octagon?" because this person has a learning disability wherein they can only read vertical text. But, I guess it worked because I came to a complete stop to take the photo.

Next up is this picture, taken at the Harris-Teeter in Raleigh, NC. This store was trying out a cool new promotion for people who are without a functioning pancreas. "You buy the ice cream, and the insulin is on the house!"

That's all for this week.

Seasonal Sex Acts

The holidays are here. Many see the holiday season as a time for giving, or a time for looking ahead to the coming new year. But to me, the holidays have always seemed like a time for romance. There are so many opportunities for sparks to fly. You could try sitting inside with your lover, snuggled up under a blanket by the fire, sipping hard cider. And if that doesn't work you can create obligatory sexual tension with a little carefully placed mistletoe. I've done some brainstorming and here are a few other ways to keep your sex life as spicy as the mustard in a hickory farms gift basket during the holiday season.

-Ladies, here's a suggestion that the editors over at Cosmo are too wise scared to print. Surprise your man with a sensual mitten job. You and your partner will both find it "hot" in different ways. Move over, Michael Jordan. There's a new "MJ" in town.

-If you and your partner are into S+M but bored with conventional whips and chains, winter can be a great time to add ice skates to your arsenal. The safe word is "Triple Axel". And if you're a masochist who happens to be single this holiday season, no worries. Curl up on the couch with some hot cocoa and pop in a DVD copy of "Christmas with the Kranks"...and brace yourself.

-When you find yourself deep in the throes of passion with your lover, try screaming the names of your favorite Christmas movie characters. Here's some of my favorites:

"FROSTY!"

"Mr. MA-GOO!"

"SINBAD AS A MAILMAN!"

-Some say it's better to give than to receive. But, what could be better than being the giver and the receiver? I'm talking about self-love. But, don't stop there. You can actually give yourself an extra-special gift by taking something away. That "something" is oxygen. Take a cue from those stockings hanging from the mantel and give autoerotic asphyxiation a try. Put a holiday twist on this classic too-curious-teen favorite by eschewing the boring, everyday rope in favor of some festive garland. If all goes well, you'll have a shameful and dangerous habit to kick for your new years resolution.