"Goodbye, cruel free throw line."

Last Wednesday my Sports Management class went on the worst field trip in the history of field trips. A field trip to Downtown Boone's famed "Jimmy Smith Park" would have been more exciting. The reason this field trip was so lame is because of the particular field we were "tripping" into. (There were no drugs involved.) We were learning about risk management, so we were instructed to meet in Varsity Gym where we would do a safety audit of the entire facility. Varsity Gym is a very antiquated building that opened it's doors in 1968. So, it's seen better days. All of the 25 or so students in my class were told to walk through the building and make a list of all the stuff that was unsafe like blocked doorways and tripping hazards. So, we all just fan out and start wandering around like 25 honorary fire marshals, staring intently at the walls and floors. Finally we make our way up to the second floor and, to demonstrate the safety importance of keeping certain doors locked, Professor Laney gets up on the catwalk that overlooks the wooden gymnasium floor about 50 feet below. "That door ought to be locked.", he shouts down at us from the catwalk. At this point, a guy who was in my class jokes loudly,

"That's a good place for a suicide attempt!"

What he said bothered me. Not because I found it offensive but because I found it to be short-sighted and untrue. If anybody ever committed suicide by jumping from the catwalk inside Appalachian State University's Varsity Gym, then I can understand why they might have self esteem issues nudging them towards ending their own life. They clearly can't get anything right, as evidenced by their poor selection of a suicide location. This catwalk hovers about 2.5 stories above the floor below. There's a good chance you wouldn't even die from that fall. If you land on your feet, you'll probably just be severely injured. Also, the decor is hideous. We're nestled in the mountains of western NC. This area is absolutely rife with beautiful natural features you could throw yourself off of. Who wants to spend their final seconds plummeting towards a wooden basketball court lit by the sterile glow of harsh fluorescent bulbs? Has this guy not seen the Blue Ridge parkway at sunset? Grandfather Mountain has a mile high swinging bridge that spans an 80 foot chasm! Granted, it costs $15 to get into the park and walk out on the bridge but, come on. You only die once. Don't skimp.


Varsity Gym interior. The catwalk in question can be seen at the top of this pic. Now, look at this photo and think to yourself, "Goodbye, cruel world". It's just not the right vibe.


This is fucking majestic. I know it. You know it. And the lady in the periwinkle jacket definitely knows it.