I'll have a diet coke. Bring me some crayons too. The spaghetti maze won't solve itself.

I've always looked kind of young for my age and I've never really appreciated it because it's always been a huge pain in the ass. If you're 17 years old in high school but you look like you're 13, none of the other kids think that's cool. The girls definitely don't dig it. Everybody wants to have an older looking friend because maybe they don't get carded so they can buy alcohol. But, nobody wants to be friends with Doogie Howser so that he can hook you up with shit off the "12 and under" menu at Applebees. Actually that's kind of a bad example. A 16 year old who can legally write prescriptions would have lots of friends. But, I know the tables are gonna turn and my day will come. One day I'll be in the nursing home and I'll be 70 but I'll look like I'm 55. And then everyone will think I'm the shit. I'll have a bunch of old people friends and whenever we go out to eat I'll be the only one getting carded for my senior citizen discount. And I'll probably have my pick of the ancient widows that throw themselves at me on a daily basis. I don't care one way or the other about breasts, but I only go for natural hips/knees.