A letter home

I was in African American Lit. today and Dr. Bruce Dick said that you must write to get better at writing. He also said that people don't write very much these days beyond email and text messages. "Nobody writes letters anymore", he said. So, I decided to write and mail an old-fashioned hand-written letter to my parents back in Raleigh. My 21st birthday is approaching and I plan to go home that weekend. So, I thought I'd let them know what to expect with my homecoming.

Dear Mother and Father,

     'Tis a crisp fall day in Boone and I'd like to tell you that my life at this institution of higher education is quite swell. I shall be returning home to Raleigh by motor car in approximately one fortnight for the celebration of the 21st anniversary of my birth. This brings me to the crux of my situation and the reason I am writing you.
     As you are both aware, the exact date of my birth was October 8th. This means that when the clock strikes midnight, declaring the beginning of the 8th of October, 2010 I will be able to legally imbibe beverages containing alcohol. I fully intend to take great advantage of this newly acquired privilege. So, by the time I arrive at your location on the 9th of October, I may be suffering from decreased vigor and physical vitality due to my raucous celebration and hefty consumption of the devil's water. I may consume so great a quantity that I eject the contents of my stomach on to the very ground upon which I stand (or dance). This may occur several times, however I am not setting any official goals.
     So, I would like for you both to know that when celebrating my birthday with you on October 9th I will try to be as jovial as possible. But, I may find myself inhibited by my physical state as a consequence of my celebratory activites.

With roughly equal parts love and respect,
                                               Ryan