How to Pay for College

When I was in high school I had a mentor. I won't reveal his name here in writing, but I will share an anecdote about a time when I was wondering just what I was going to do with my life. Upon seeking the advice of my mentor I was told to go to college and get a degree no matter what it took. Pay for it by any means necessary. Beg, Borrow, Steal. The experiences I would have in college, I was told, would be worth it. So, I left that conversation with a singular goal. Find a way to pay for college. I had been given 3 simple but cryptic steps. Beg. Borrow. Steal.
I hatched a plan. It began, as my mentor suggested, with begging. I begged my cousin Alfred for a ride downtown to a shady area late one Friday night. The places where prostitutes offer their services to seedy characters stalking the night. He obliged me and quickly dropped me off at the intersection I requested and sped off, hastily returning to safer streets.
With step one complete I was ready to change gears. It was time to borrow. I chose to borrow a page out of Julia Robert's "Pretty Woman" play book. I walked those streets until I encountered a wealthy businessman. At this point I relinquished the tactics of the down-on-her-luck hollywood prostitute. Now, it was time for the stealing.
I stole the businessman's heart, like Vivian Ward. Except in a much more literal sense. It fetched a fair sum on the black market that paid for an excellent college education. So, I suppose I added my own 4th step. The step of "Selling".

Beg. Borrow. Steal. Sell.
B² S²


Paying for a college education is just that simple. When using this template to create your own fundraising strategy for college you may stumble at first. You may find yourself wondering, "Who do I beg and borrow from?" or "Who exactly can I steal from and sell to?" Some of you may be hung up on the ethical implications of selling a man's heart on the black market. Things can get confusing. If you're wondering who to involve in your begging, borrowing, theft and sales just remember the following rule. The B's are benign and the S's are sinister. Beg and Borrow from those you do not wish to harm in any way. Steal from people you have no care for or who are your rivals/enemies. And as far as selling goes, you can really do that to whoever's got the cash, but keep in mind it's usually still kind of sinister because in a lot of these sorts of plots you'll be selling damaged goods or some really sketchy stuff. Whatever it is, it's been stolen. The buyer may not know this. Do NOT under any circumstances think that the B's are bad and the S's are safe. Also be careful not to let your imagination run wild and get tricked into think that the B's are bawdy and the S's are sorrowful. Rookie mistake.